He even brings the thunder!
by Penny Watson Lafayette
Summary: Highschool AU; James Madison is a relatively new student at Fictum High who is madly infatuated with cocky debater Thomas Jefferson, whilst Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan and Lafayette are out to make their lives miserable.
1. Chapter 1: And here our story begins

Madison's POV:

'He towers over me, incredibly handsome- though it's not the first thing you'll notice. With the air of intellectual superiority he wears like a timeless designer coat, it's easy to see why he is so despised by Hamilton. Gorgeous, intelligent, cocky, vastly misunderstood.

Even if I was the brightest, handsomest and best man on earth, and even if I wasn't confined by social expectations dictating what makes a good and acceptable high school couple, there is no way that Jefferson would ever notice me in a way that was anything but platonic.'

This is my thought sequence as I walk to debate training, and prepare to face Hamilton, Laurens, Lafayette and Mulligan.

Up the winding staircase to the senior debate area, Jefferson turns around and greets me with a smile that simultaneously makes me very, very nervous and very, very excited. "Jimmy James, what's shaking?"

"Me. I'm shaking."

"Come on man, are you really that nervous to get up and speak?"

"After Hamilton laughed the entire way through my substantive and I ran home sobbing, yeah kind of."

"You're good. You'll be fine."

"I dunno, just don't put me as first again."

We hold hands and brave the stares from students as he drags me along to the debate room and I pretend to be reluctant when I follow.

Jefferson intrigues me. I don't think I'll ever fully understand how he can be so confident and how it is that even though he is my best friend, I hardly know anything about him. Truth be told, we only met two months ago when I first moved to Fictum High. I am still unsure about why it is that he befriended someone quite as timid as me. Someone quite as weird as me. Someone who is anxious and worrying when in reality nothing all that interesting has ever happened to me. A small, nerdy, fanboy obsessed with Broadway and multiple fictional occurences.

As we make our way to the desks set up for a mock debate we see Angelica sitting in the first speaker seat of our bench.

" What're you doing on our team?" Jefferson asks with what seems to be legitimate curiosity.

"Hamilton criticised a piece of literary genius, so I made a deal with Seabury to let me speak on your team for the rest of the term."

"Huh. Well, welcome to the best junior debate team in Fictum High. I'll be your tour guide for today.

Here (gesturing to an empty space) we have the collective brainpower of two incredibly intelligent and incredibly handsome men.

(walking around to Madison) and here we have the kindest, smallest and most anxious debating bean to ever grace this Earth.

(pointing to self triumphantly) and here we have the fantastic Thomas Jefferson, brilliant at debating and everything else that matters in life, who has an extra movie ticket to go and see Tangled. Wanna come?"

"I would only ever look at it from a modern feminist viewpoint but sure, I'll come and see a trashy Disney princess movie with you."

Looking on to this I only feel a twinge of sadness; of course Jefferson was straight and of course he was going on a date with one of the most popular girls in the school. It wasn't a surprise; it was only to be expected. But it got to the point where that twinge became more than a twinge, where it slowly grew into a tsunami of disappointment cascading over me as I was rooted to my spot.

But fearing for our friendship I had to keep this as hidden as I could.

I fake a smile and turn to face the entrance as Washington, Hamilton, Laurens and Lafayette join us.

This is going to be an interesting debate.


	2. The debate

Jefferson's POV-

Seabury didn't turn up (which was only to be expected if he had to debate in the same team as Hamilton) so the numbers were perfect.

"Now," Washington said, trying to be heard above the smaller conversations happening around him, " For our first mock debate of the season, our topic will be 'that America should cease providing foreign aid to countries who are known to abuse human rights' "

He detailed the speaking orders on the blackboard:

 **Affirmative**

1\. Marquis de Lafayette

2\. John Laurens

3\. Alexander Hamilton

 **Negative**

1\. Angelica Schuyler

2\. James Madison

3\. Thomas Jefferson

"Now, as this is an informal mock debate, you will be given 15 minutes to prepare. I don't expect you to come with a fully-fledged speech but just with a few dot points so you can speak about the topic for about 4 minutes. However, this is just a rough estimate..."  
He continued on, rambling for a grand total of 2 minutes and 34 seconds (I timed it) by which time Angelica and I had already outlined our case.

Speaking third negative would truly give me a chance to decimate the Affirmative team, but only if I was able to confidently argue against all their points. Not only would Hamilton be sure to notice any slip-ups, but Angie would never let me hear the end of it if we lost.

Her speech was already laid out impeccably on paper. I wrote out and explained Madison's speech onto six of my pigmented magenta palmcards- being third, mine could wait.

Madison's POV-

Lafayette stood up and began his ramble- with the majority in English and some in French, Washington and I were the only two who couldn't understand what he was getting at.

Hercules Mulligan clapped wildly from the front row. They didn't even make an elementary attempt to conceal that they were dating.

"I now call upon the first speaker of the negative team and the second speaker of the debate, Angelica Schuyler, to begin her team's case."

As soon as this was said Jefferson gave a look of confusion, and I knew what he was thinking; 'Her team? She joined just this morning!' Though he was incredible he could be very conceited on occasion.

The thing was... he didn't actually seem at all charmed by Angelica. He wasn't gazing at her, enraptured by her beauty, he wasn't stunned by her incredible debating, he just didn't seem to be in love. Of course this could just be me reading too much into things. Of course he was probably just concentrating on mentally rehearsing his speech, I doubt he would have let a girl (even a fierce one) stop him from giving a stellar performance- that's what his speeches are, grand performances of intellectual superiority.

"And in conclusion, that is why America should provide funds to third-world countries even if their values differ from ours and their beliefs are not as advanced as ours are here in the US."

It was now Laurens' turn. He stood up before Washington had a chance to thank Angelica or to call him to the front. Slightly shaking and blatantly nervous, he shuffled to the desk and laid out a strange assortment of papers and palm cards, all of different sizes.

The person to my right was already laughing and poor Laurens hadn't even started his speech. God, I love Jefferson but god, he can be absurdly horrible sometimes.

John forgot his speech. He stumbled through rebuttal, and simply read out the one word dot points- one was 'values', the other was 'incentive', and we tried to understand what he was getting at as best we could in order to write rebuts for me.

I had to speak- if I did even slightly better than Hamilton's boyfriend than we would win. Alex's team was a polymath, a walking bundle of nerves and a french dude. We could do better than that.

"And I now call upon James, the second speaker of the negative team, to continue his case"

Jefferson's POV-

Madison stood up, concealing his nerves well, and walked forward to the desk with my impeccable palm cards. I say concealing his nerves because, well you haven't really gotten a chance to know my friend but he's a trainwreck waiting to happen. He was surely nervous after Hamilton had been so disrespectful last time.

He spoke well during his rebuttal, if a little slowly, bringing himself to move on to his first point. Over and over I said to myself, 'He is going to be fine. He is going to be fine.' but in all reality I wasn't so sure. Even if we won, which was highly likely, and even if he went through his speech better than he did last week I knew he was still going to beat himself up about it.

"And now onto my first point.. uh, my substantive, um... "

He was fumbling. He was falling. He... I couldn't bring myself to think about what must have been going through his head.

"Yes, onto my substantive. Under the status quo, countries that are provided with foreign aid are provided with aid for a reason. That reason is that without that aid, citizens of the country would be worse off."

Quickly regaining his composure like that was... truly fantastic. I had to make sure to tell him that once the debate was over.

The rest of his speech ran incredibly smoothly. Sure he wasn't the most confident of speakers, but once he got on a roll and forgot whatever it is that was causing him stress he was fine.

Madison's POV-

Hamilton stood up, with an incredibly smug look on his face, and started:

"In this debate I have identified three main clashes: the first being the effect implementing the topic would have on citizens of said countries, the second being the effect the topic would have on the systems of government in these countries, and the third being if it is in America's best interest to continue supplying these countries with aid."

Jefferson managing to look both flustered and composed whilst hurriedly scratching out rebuts as Alex continued on.

After a good 6 minutes he was requested, courtesy of Washington, to conclude his speech and sit down.

Thomas left his seat, walked around to the front of the desk and began a lengthy introduction.

"Imagine living in a country where.. no. Imagine being born into a country that abuses human rights, imagine how hard life in those countries must be, and then imagine hearing that because of your country's government system, because of something that is utterly out of your control, that all the aid you receive from America is cut off. Poof. Gone in a puff of smoke."

Seeing and hearing this, even from behind, was a spectacle. His hair, his glorious hair...  
I mustn't think that. He is straight, and my best friend. Friends must stay friends, no matter how gay you are.  
Yet somehow I doubt this familiar spiel, for the first time ever I doubt it when I tell myself this. Maybe there's a way? Maybe there's a chance that in some other life, in some other time, in some other place, _**we**_ might become _**us**_?

"And to conclude, we are proud to negate."

Washington spared no time-  
"The negative team won. I'll tell you why tomorrow. Now (as he glances at his watch face) you must be off to class."

I had art first period, with Thomas. Finally, some time to relax.


	3. That would be enough

Hi guys! I haven't done anything like this yet, but I'd love to give a shoutout to 05alex29hammy51, who's my editor and best friend IRL . I'd also just like to thank you for reading the first chapter of my first ever fanfic, deciding it was worth your time and then reading another chapter. An extra special thank you to anyone who's reviewed or favourited! :)

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Madison's POV:

'It pains me to see him like this. To see him happy, but only on the surface. Knowing that it is just a façade, just a performance. Of course he didn't tell anyone else what he was feeling. Of course I was the only one he confided in.

He struts to class. He looks contented, looks fulfilled- but I can see through that. He is hollowed out, he is different. Dissatisfied with his debating, made even less so by Hamilton's great concluding speech.

Still magnificent, still beautiful but less sure of himself. Less confident- although Thomas still pretends to be (and does a pretty convincing job of it) he's not.'

Jefferson worried me. Every time _**this**_ happened, I felt parts of me, sections of my flesh being slowly and painfully stripped away until all that remained was the walking, talking skeleton of a nervous highschooler who was broken. Lost. Afraid. Tormented by his own feelings towards his best friend. Needing someone to talk to, someone to confide in.

I knew what I had to do. I didn't want to, but at this point in time I didn't really have a choice.

I approached John, fully aware of the awkwardness of the situation. He was the first to speak-

"Congratulations on the debating win, by the way", with a warm, heartfelt and generous smile on his face. He loved the art module we were completing- it was a project involving watercolours. He was so very happy, with a smile that just radiated peaceful bliss.  
That smile that I was about to crush.

I didn't have to. I could have chosen to figure it out some other way. I should've just sat down and thought it over. But instead I continued on.

"Thanks a heap John." I reply, " But enough about that- I have something I need a little help with".

"... Yes?"

I explained it to him. Everything, in detail. How I had **_feelings_** towards Jefferson. Why he worried me in such an emotional manner. How him and Angelica were the perfect high school couple, and I might just ruin everything. How I should have been happy for them. I just let it all out, let it all pour out of my mouth in a strange and emotionally charged form of verbal diarrhoea. It was therapeutic just telling this all to someone who wasn't really involved, and telling it to someone who I knew I could trust. Sure he was dating Alex but he'd never share any of this. He never had and never will. I could trust Laurens.

Pausing thoughtfully, John preceded to give me some good advice:  
" Me and Alex might be boyfriends now, but there was a time when I was like you: when I thought that there was no way he was anything but straight. Of course I'm not a prime example because of, well (he gestured wildly with his hands) _ **that** _but what I would say is your best bet is to just let him know that he's worrying you, but that you're there for him, whatever it is that is making him moody, and that you always will be because the two of you are (pardon the middle school vocabulary) besties. The best you can do would be to just be supportive and show him that you do care, because it can be easy for high-flying A-grade intellectuals to remember that sometimes. And I wouldn't worry about Angelica because she's obviously never going to become the girlfriend of literally anyone in the near future."

Laurens literally just gave me a massive hug, which I shrank away from at first but then enjoyed. "Sorry, it's just... whenever Laf, Herc or Alex get like this it just... It just helps them chill out a little. Loosen up, be more chill." Letting go he composed himself and continued on with his watercolours. "Au revoir, mon ami. You must get back to your work!"

The rest of the day was mediocre. English was good- I got to help out Thomas with his monologue, which was some needed time together, but apart from that it was hardly anything special. He was still moody and still worrying, sure, but to a lesser extent. John had made everything just a touch more bearable. And that would be enough.

Jefferson's POV:

I don't know why, but I felt rather tired out for the last half of the day. Actually, that's a lie. I knew what was making me tired and grumpy- more than the fact that I was normally a morning person, I had just been forced to slog through Economics without Madison or even Burr, and had to name the G7 in geography.

Now, in my second period of Art for the day, at least I had a supportive and very small friend who would listen to my ranting and would just be there for me. Though at the time I wasn't the happiest, looking back I can just see how lucky I was to have someone like that.

Madison's POV:

My charcoal portrait of Thomas was coming along nicely, especially considering the fact I didn't even have a reference image. I didn't need one. I had memorised the layout of his face, every hair, every crevice, the shape of his eyes, the shape of his lips...

 _On my own, pretending he's beside me  
All alone, I walk with him till morning  
Without him, I feel his arms around me_

"Madison, the fact that you are obviously deeply engrossed in your artmaking, whilst being beautifully romantic doesn't give you license to sing like a girl."

Hamilton taunted me whilst continuing his Dali-esque canvas portrayal, and I panicked, feeling more anxious with every minute.

Jefferson's POV:

Oh. no.

Alex and his buddies were harassing James, prodding him, poking him, teasing him, and I could see him shrinking. He was shrinking- both physically and emotionally- curling up into a petite bundle of worry.

"Guys, my friend over here would really appreciate it if you stopped teasing him. In fact, he would probably appreciate it if you shut your mouths and went back to where you came from. To make it clear, you get your sorry butt back to Nevis, you hightail it back to France and you run on home to that tailor's shop and just stop it. All of you."

Now Alex, Herc and Laf began to say stuff about me. How I was popular just because of my ability to talk at a high volume and how no-one really liked me. Although this wasn't anything I couldn't deal with, James turned around, angry as a three year old who had been denied sugar, and shouted in their faces, "You said WHAT about my friend?"

His face betrayed it all. He was scared, worried, in need of protection and needed something, some tiny scrap of hope to cling to.

"I can fight my own battles, thanks."

Madison's POV:

'Oh god, oh god, oh god. I stuffed up majorly. Thomas knows, Hamilton knows, Hercules knows, the whole world may as well know that I have a big ol' crush on my best friend.'

Some ancient Greek philosophers likened the human mind to a palace but in that instant mine was a prison, shutting me in on all sides. I was doing that thing- that thing where I totally flip out but physically I don't do anything- I just stare blankly at whatever happens to be ahead of me with a look of intense fear and anxiety.

I stiffened up. I, I... I was so angry and alone and lost and frightened. I could feel the nervous energy coursing through my veins, making my hair stand on end. I was shaking. My finger twitched.

Jefferson's POV:

His finger twitched and then he fell. He collapsed forward into a heap on the floor, looking like a deflated balloon. I felt horrible, I felt sick to my stomach. My friend, my beautiful, vulnerable friend had just fainted after a panic attack while I stood there, looking to the world like the selfish brat that I was, doing nothing to help him. I bent down to James, scooping the small boy up into my arms and carrying him to my desk where I then rested his head on my arm and he just lay on my lap for the time being.

He looked so peaceful, all the fear and all the pain that normally occupied his face had vanished, replaced with a look of serenity, a tranquil calm.

Madison was, and still is, gorgeous. His miniature yet still prominent cupid's bow added an element of structure to his soft face, and though he was out cold he was blushing, deep pink roses lining his cheekbones.

And his lips, his soft, red, glossy lips, I could go on for hours just about his face in that moment before he woke up and all the peace was shattered, like the glass on a car windscreen during a head on collision.


	4. my Earth

Madison's POV:

My eyes flashed open and darted around- I could see that I was in front of a desk, my body resting on what felt like two rather comfy cylindrical cushions. But no, that couldn't be right. I studied the cushions more carefully, slowly coming to the realisation that they were in fact legs. The lean, muscular legs of a certain debater...

"S**T!"

Jefferson's POV:

"Calm down, Madison. You're totally safe." I tried to reassure him.

"But I thought you knew... I thought Alex knew... I thought Hercules knew..." I wish I could tell you what was happening in his brain.

"That you're anxious and prone to passing out? Yeah, I was fully aware of that."

"So can you just explain to me what happened? I was kinda busy having an anxiety attack so I'm not too sure."

I explain it in detail, making sure to compliment my friend every once in a while. "So your gorgeous rendition of 'On My Own' from Les Mis got seventy five percent of the hamilsquad jealous, causing them to come over and started making fun of you for being feminine (which is a little hypocritical considering that none of them are straight), then you freaked out a little (okay maybe a lot) so I just took you over to my workstation while you were unconscious because it would have been pretty weird to just leave you collapsed on the floor like that, and plus I felt physically sick just seeing you in such a state so I needed to do something, and leaving you like that wouldn't cut it."

He shook. He stammered. " So y-y-y-you... " He paused for a while, regaining his composure. "Thanks. If it weren't for you I would probably be a lot worse off right about now."

I wrapped my arms around mon petit ami.

"It was just the right thing to do. Plus I couldn't stand anyone upsetting my little friend, least of all Alexander. You ok?"

"No, but now I just have the afterfeel. You know, like the heavy, tired, bleh feeling after you panic, but yeah. Just thanks for being a good friend, not judging too hard and standing up for me when I couldn't. Merci. Danke. 谢谢. I really appreciate it, Thomas."

He pulled away from my hug a little, but I kept him there. I needed to feel that he was alive, that he was there. I might have even been more shaken up by that then he was, but one of us needed to at least pretend to be brave. I had to be that guy. I had to pretend that I had it together even when I didn't. I had to be strong for the both of us.

I could sense that he wasn't feeling too chatty, so just began to rant a little. I think I could remember him saying that he liked when I ranted because it just gave him a chance to be quiet without having people ask too many questions. He was funny like that, James. If he were feeling energetic and passionate enough about something he could talk for hours at an average speed of a thousand words a minute, but make him emotional and you would effectively push his mute button.

I caught my breath to continue the story.

"Please don't stop. Your voice is nice. It's comforting, like a cosy old sweater. I like it. Please, continue." James was pleading with me now. It was obvious that he was wanting me to go on, that my speech offered him some sort of solace.

"Geez- I just needed some air."

"Sorry. But continue."

"Anything for you." And so I continued.

Madison's POV:

And at the end of that art lesson, even though neither of us were truly 'alright' or truly 'stable', I could relax and just listen to Thomas, and we were both content in knowing that the other was always going to be there when we needed them. I didn't need to worry about anything- he had no clue that I had a crush on him, and our friendship was still sailing, even after encountering a few rough seas. Being first mate on that vessel didn't seem too bad anymore. I felt truly valued, needed, cared for, which was more than I could say for the debate.

The school day finished, and as I was packing up John sprinted up to me.  
"James are you okay? I heard what Hamilton did to you in period 5 and I just wanted you to know that I dumped that ungrateful douchebag. Nobody hurts my friends and expects to get away with it. Sure he's devastated but he needs to learn a lesson. I'm alright with him having a rivalry with Jefferson but hurting you is lower than I'm willing to let him go."

Wow. I was speechless. That my friend would break off what had been an incredible relationship just because his boyfriend had hurt an insignificant lonely nobody like me was, well flattering to say the least.

Taking a step backwards in order to get a run-up, I gave Laurens the most massive hug I could manage- being as small as I was that was achieved with some difficulty, but technicalities. He placed me down and I preceded to say "Thanks-but you really didn't need to, and Hamilton is going to be so hurt- I bet that you were the best boyfriend he has ever had."

Seriously though, even if Alexander was never the kindest to me, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness and guilt. He had lost someone who might have been his soulmate just because I decided to sing like a girl in art class. Go me! I was just so, so tired of worrying for other people, feeling emotions for people who had none, and the sadness and the anger and the guilt all whirled around me, circling tighter and tighter like a pack of wolves hunting down their weary prey, and they constricted me. I started shaking, but this time I didn't have a Thomas to save me. I wouldn't always have a Thomas to save me. I wouldn't have a friend who's voice was warm and pure and comforting to help pull me through. I had to be my own Jefferson.

'Hey, but that was kind of Laurens. He didn't have to do that but he did, because he values my friendship and he values me.'

I continued, just breathing slowly and thinking of all the little things that had changed my day for the better. My portrait of my friend was coming along, I was passing all my classes, excelling in English, and I had someone I could trust with anything. I could trust Jefferson with anything and everything. Though he may have been insensitive or impulsive or even just plain stupid at times, he... he would be there for me. And I loved him for that, and I loved him for so much more than that, and I could go on and on... Thomas Jefferson might not have been the smartest, or the kindest, or the most morally right person on this Earth, but to me he **was** my Earth. He was everything to me. And he still is.


	5. Take a Break

Hey guys! Just letting you know that this chapter has mild homophobia and hints at abuse, so don't read it if you think it would compromise your mental health (It's not worth it for my writing!). And I might not be able to update a heap because I have exams coming up. There'll definitely be some fluff in the near future though!

\- Petite frite out -

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Madison's POV:

Lying awake in bed on Saturday morning, I thought to myself:  
'It really is sad to think that every person you meet you will have to part with eventually. I mean sure, there are people on this earth like Hamilton where the goodbyes couldn't come soon enough, but there are also people who make you feel cared for, make you feel loved even. People who have seen the darkest and most terrible sides of you yet still believe that you are incredible. People that worry for you, people that occasionally suffocate you with friendship yet you still couldn't live without them. People who you feel would do anything for you, who will offer you second opinions but will never push their beliefs on you. People that remind you that not all of humanity is flawed, yet that in spite of and sometimes because of those flaws someone can be not just beautiful, but gorgeous. Stunning. Radiant. Perfectly imperfect. That we are all sculptures, constantly being reshaped by those around us while we reshape our peers, our enemies, our friends, our lovers, our teachers, even strangers we pass by on the street.'

Sure, Thomas was and is spectacular, but this was my weekend. As much as I loved the guy sometimes I felt the need to just take a break. If he needed me he wouldn't hesitate to text, and he didn't often need me on weekends, so I had the whole two days to myself.

He had the date with Angelica today but knowing the confident, flamboyant person he was there was bound to be a lack of complications. Or so I thought.

Finally deciding to pull myself out of my cosy bed I checked the time. Being 6:45 I was the earliest out of my family to wake. Walking downstairs, still a tad drowsy I founnd my phone connected to the charger cord with a missed call and four messages.

I guess that break would just have to wait.

 _Thomas- Angie cancelled late last night_

 _She said she had a family emergency_

 _Something to do with Eliza_

 _She wouldn't elaborate_

I texted back-

 _Is Eliza ok?_

 _I'm so sorry_

 _Want me to come instead?_

 _Thomas- Yes. Come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same._

 _James- Nice Holmes reference. Sure thing :)_

I grab a muesli bar from the pantry and briefly consider dressing. But he said come at once, right? The great thing about Thomas is that he lives only ten or so minutes walk from my place, so I sprinted to his house as fast as I could manage.

Jefferson's POV:

 _Ding Dong._

I heaved open the front door to my best friend, on my doorstep, **in his pyjamas**.

He really did come at once, didn't he? I didn't mention it as he stumbled over to reach for a glass of water. He may as well live here.

Madison's POV:

My pocket vibrates and I look down.

 _Mum- Where are you? Xx_

 _James- At Thomas'. Slight girlmergency- will call later, won't be home later than 3 o'clock._

Is it a girlmergency if it's the guy who is having an emergency? That'd have to do for the moment.

Jefferson led me to the front door and we walked to the train station conversing, filling each other in on our Friday nights and Saturday mornings. From what I could gather about Angelica's reason for not coming to see the movie, Eliza had arrived home late on Friday with multiple bruises and a shallow cut to her neck. She was apparently very shaken up, and when Angelica, Penny and Philip tried to get answers out of her she would only respond with 'James'. Thing was, I had maybe seen her in the hallway twice at most, so it couldn't have been me.

I peered down as we descended into the subterranean depths where large, hulking metal machines rattled in and rattled out, taking civilians where they needed to be. Walking ahead of me Thomas tapped his card, taking me to the platform. I followed him, almost blindly, my mind wandering. I had no reason to be present, I had no reason to think about what was around me when it wouldn't do me any good.

The _woosh_ of air as our train came speeding alongside the platform, then coming to a grinding halt was somehow very dramatic, almost dreamlike in its precision. Jefferson strutted onto the platform, reaching a hand out for me to take. As I slipped my palm comfortably into his I heard someone shout the f- slur at me and practically collapsed. The only reason I had joined Thomas was to somehow help my friend, the boy who had seen me stutter when I introduced myself to the class on the first day of school and who had taken me under his wing, who had decided that he would be there for me, that he would help me when things like _this_ happened. I wasn't ready to be called the f- slur. Not today, not ever, especially not after I had fainted in art class in front of Hamilton, Lafayette and Mulligan. Steadying myself within the vehicle I gained a hug from my sympathetic companion, and heard him yell back- "That was my friend, you homophobic bigot!"

His embrace was so warm, so friendly, so safe, and I would have liked to have stood there in his arms for an eternity, for an infinite amount of eternities had there not been people watching us. Had we not felt like outsiders because our friendship of two months was stronger than some that had lasted years. So I slowly began to turn away, unravelling like a ball of yarn, tumbling away from Jefferson while part of me was still twirled around his finger. He kept me there, his subtle yet brilliant voice telling me to stop thinking and just be.

Neither of us got any hateful or rude comments exiting the subway, likely due to the volume and tone of Thomas' voice when he had become angry before. Something about me getting anxious really seemed to make him tick.

We wound our way around Manhattan, stopping at a new little French café, and Jefferson ordered us some food.

"Croissants? For breakfast?"

"James, croissants are eaten for breakfast all the time. You really need to do a better job of immersing yourself in French culture."

"Okay, okay. Je suis trés désolé, monsieur," (I am very sorry, mister) I added, giggling at how bad my accent was.

I felt really out of place in such a cool spot, and in my pyjamas no less. Around me there was an older student banging out an essay on their macbook, young waitresses serving pastries to twenty-somethings in light denim jackets and too many still life paintings to count. Trust Thomas to know about the new eating venue- he was always up to date on the trendiest spots in town. I was just thankful to be able to tag along with my friend and nibble at some tasty French food.


	6. Helpless

Madison's POV:

Walking up to the cashier I shouted us the croissants, and was handed two slips of paper. One was the receipt, as is to be expected, but the other had been torn out of a small notepad and read, in messy cursive: _Emily Canavan- 917 170 4562._ On the reverse were the two words _Call me_ followed by a hastily scribbled love heart.

Assuming it was from the girl running the till, she seemed nice and all, and was beautiful in an understated sort of way, but I just wasn't interested.

Thomas walked up to me, and promptly spoke. "We still have over an hour until the start of the movie. Let's head to the playground across the road for a little." Wow. That took an unexpected turn. Nodding silently I strolled beside my friend, finding comfort in and gaining confidence from the lively metre of his gait. The richness and subtlety of his voice filled an empty space I didn't even realise existed until then- he completed me.

Once we reached the park we both instantly gravitated towards the swingset, and I was briefly reminded of all that we had in common.

Jefferson's POV:

Being a kid is underrated. Like seriously, just kicking yourself up off the ground and laughing beside your quiet yet intelligent best friend is a sort of euphoria unable to be matched by anything, really.

I just let myself go. Soaring upwards then plummeting down and coming up again backwards- a beautiful rhythm, a dulled sense of adrenaline.

I looked over at James and we both smiled- his was just so pure and it filled me with joy to the point where I thought I just might burst, and all that happiness would explode over the heads of the children in this park like one big, joyful firework.

The warm, rubbery swing seat beneath me, the childish madness ensuing as I sat to the corner of the playground observing... this was the stuff of memories.

Madison's POV:

Thomas had practically become a different person, become a child again. He looked like what would happen if the spirit of an eight year old had been trapped inside the body of a sixteen year old. Checking the time I noted that we had fifteen minutes until the movie began. Jefferson and I have that kind of bond where we can convey just about anything without opening our mouths so we both made our way out of the park together.

Jefferson's POV:

The movie was mediocre in my opinion. The plot wasn't too bad but it was just cliché. It didn't manage to elicit any emotional response from me.

James, however, was a different story. In the scene where Rapunzel and Eugene released the lantern I saw a single tear trickle down his childlike face. During that stupid movie I had an epiphany. I loved him. I loved James Madison, and had for some time. I loved that babyface of his, loved his ability to connect with people so easily, I even loved his loopy cursive when he scribbled down notes in English. I thought I had loved him as a brother but I loved him as so much more. Normally I was confident, but he just made me feel so... Helpless.

As we walked out into the theatre's foyer I pulled him aside. "James?"

Madison's POV:

"James."

"Yeah?"

"I have something to say..."

"Well, spit it out then. I haven't got all day."

Thomas inhaled. He looked... nervous? I had never seen this guy scared to say something before. I didn't even think he was capable of feeling fear.

"I'm not straight."

"WHAT? Okay, stop right there. If my English isn't getting through to you, just let me say this: Je ne comprends pas. You've always seemed interested in girls."

"Only to appear normal. Only to stay popular with everyone. Only so people didn't think I was weird and I didn't become a total outcast."

"That kind of makes sense... But why now? And why does this concern me?"

"I'm gay... for you."

I backed away, unaware of my surroundings. I was screaming at the top of my lungs but no sound escaped. 'This, this had to be some kind of sick joke. In a few seconds he'd turn around and say "Psych!" or something stupid like that. I couldn't believe it. I had thought Jefferson was my friend. I would never expect him to do this. It must have been Laurens. He must have told someone, Jefferson must have overheard something, maybe even had a rumour passed along to him. That's how he would have known. That's how...'

"You are horrible. You are cold, cruel, horrible. Making a joke like this when we spent time building up all this trust, after getting to the point where I wouldn't even take one bullet for you, I would take three, four, even five in all the most painful places. I would die for you. I would die the longest, slowest, most painful and most terrible death if it meant you would survive. And then you do this? This is how you repay me? Don't talk to me. Don't utter another goddamn word. I'm sick of this, I'm sick of you, I'm leaving. Au revoir, b****.

Jefferson's POV:

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I thought this would have gone better. I had been overconfident, hadn't thought through how he'd take it. I had gotten ahead of myself and now my best friend and possibly my soulmate was furious at me for something I didn't do. Even more heartbreaking than this, though, was that his response implied that he had liked me at some point, and maybe even did still like me. And I had put an end to that with my little moment of self discovery. I should have known better. I should have done something differently.

"Madison- wait!"

I sprinted up to him. There was no way that this was going to be fun.

" I've done my waiting. Two months of it. Two whole months of mixed messages, trying to understand you, trying to get inside your head, trying so very hard to gain your appreciation, just trying to make you like me."

"But I-"

"Don't interrupt me," he continued, clearly interrupting me. "I'm normally quiet and introverted and I won't say anything worth saying so listen up: I can't believe you'd go and make friends with me, make me believe you were a good person, make me believe you were worth impressing and then just throw it all away like this! Bye, friend." He spat out that last word as if it were diseased, as if leaving it in his mouth too long would cause him to catch the plague. As if it were a filthy old bit of sushi stuck in his teeth. I felt like a filthy old bit of sushi.

Once again my cockiness had gotten me into a spot of bother- and I couldn't blame anyone else.

The subway home was lonely, and I nearly forgot to tap my card getting off, had it not been for a child to my left who quietly reminded me with a little "Tap your card, mister". I tried to manage the friendliest smile I could- how I wish I could still be naïve like that.

 _I said something wrong now I long for yesterday~_


	7. Come back to this

Madison's POV:

 _Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.  
_ _Now I need a place to hide away-_

I turned off my Spotify with the realisation that moping around listening to sad 60's Beatles music wasn't going to help me any. It had actually been Thomas who introduced it to me originally, and now he… I didn't even want to think about it. I was nothing but kind to him, and then he repaid me by playing a horrible prank like that. Sure neither of us were truly in the right- that speech had been a little overkill and storming out of a cinema foyer made me quite the drama queen, but I felt as if I had been unfairly manipulated, that my emotions had been toyed with, all for what? A dare?

I had thought I meant more to Thomas. I had thought I was a good friend, even a best friend. I had no clue why he would just throw it away like this.

Jefferson's POV:

Monday morning. Loneliness. Sorrow.

Okay that's just a little melodramatic, but I knew that Madison was angry at me, I wasn't sure why, and if I saw him angry sitting by himself at lunch I thought I might just start crying. Crying isn't something I did often. It's a sign of weakness, a sign of vulnerability, a sign of being average.

My first two classes were geography and mathematics, then I went to go sit in the library. Where I was sure he would be. Where I was sure I would have to apologize.

Madison's POV:

Thank god that didn't last long.

Jefferson approached me in the library later in the day, looking less than content, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, he was going to apologise.

Jefferson's POV:

"Hey, James. "

"Hey…" He looked down, not wanting to meet my gaze. He must have known what I had come to do next.

"Look, I just want to say that whatever happened on the weekend was just a big misunderstanding. I think you're really cute, I think I might even have a crush on you… but I would never in a million years pull a prank on you that would hurt that badly. Even if you don't want me to be your boyfriend, can't we be friends again? Mon petit ami?"

And that was when it happened. He looked up at me, he looked into my eyes and he saw everything. The sadness, the loneliness, all the pent-up emotion I had been hiding behind them. Then it was his turn. He looked up at me with those beautiful eyes of his and I saw a single tear trickle down his child-like face.

"Thomas, if you're serious, and if this… if this isn't some cruel joke, some laboratory experiment, if I'm not just your little social guinea pig… I love you. I love you, and I have since nearly the day we met. Your smile, your messy chicken scrawl, your voice like a cool breeze on an unbearably hot summer's day… I love you. You make me feel like I could move mountains and hold up the sky. You make me feel as if I mean something, as if I matter. As if I have a purpose. You're like a Lady Gaga song and a safety blanket and a conversationalist on all in one. You're bold and you're funny and you're outgoing and-"

I cut him off right there. "Okay Shakespeare, point made. I realise I'm awesome. "

And then, the most incredible thing happened. Everyone was watching. Time stopped as this perfect, tiny little bundle of joy tilted himself forwards, right on the tips of his toes, and I kissed him.

Madison's POV:

It was big and it was bright and it was beautiful.

Like two colours of Play-Doh in the hands of a three-year old Jefferson and I collided. He kissed me. Time stopped, all at once, and it was a feeling that was nearly indescribable. Perfect, yet so imperfect. Nowhere near acceptable. Nowhere near normal. Nowhere near the boy I used to be, so worried and afraid. So scared and alone. Now I didn't care what they thought of me. Now all I could think was him. Jefferson. He tasted so sweet, in among the bookshelves. It felt so wrong, so despicable yet I found myself being drawn in towards him. I could feel him there, and the world was so cold but he radiated heat. It was all him, everything came back to him.

I probably didn't kiss him right. I had never kissed anyone, ever. Honestly afterwards I felt as if I should have been worried that I would somehow mess up, get it wrong, pull away too soon or not soon enough. Sometimes I was awkward like that. But maybe it was the same for him. Maybe he understood the feeling too- that feeling of unease that comes with new experiences, regardless of whether they're enjoyable or not.

And then it was over in what seemed like no time at all. Finished. Gone. Done with. The bell rung and we walked to English class together. His hand was warm in mine. He looked at me, and smiled. Thomas was all smiles for the rest of the day. He was all smiles for the rest of the week. I even saw Jefferson pinch himself at one point in time. But I doubt he felt the amount of pure joy I did at finding such a good friend, and losing them, but then gaining such a perfect boyfriend.

Neither of us really knew where it went from there- I guess I should have mentioned that Thomas never went on a second date. He had never been a part of anything long lasting. Had, past tense.

That was the story of how we got together, Thomas and I. How we nearly lost it all but picked up the broken pieces just in time.

He saved me, that day in the library. He saved me, that day in the art room. I don't know what I would do without him. Maybe I was overly dependent on him, sure. And he could be the most annoying, judgemental piece of magenta filth on this planet from time to time. But he was MY annoying, judgemental piece of magenta filth, and no number of bigoted homophobes could change that.


End file.
